Lyrics
- I love the TSA
- Yes I love the TSA
- What would I do with all those rights anyway?
- Oh I love the TSA
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- D . A . D . D .
- G . G . D . D .
- G . E7. D . B .
- Em. A . D . A .
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- I love it when they look at my shoes
- (So they can) check them over closely for clues
- That they're lovingly crafted with explosive glues
- (That's why) I love it when they look at my shoes.
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- D . A . D . D .
- G . G . D . D .
- G . E7. D . B .
- Em. A . D . A .
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- (Their) cute Gestapo uniforms are... so adorable
- (Their) peremptory instructions are clearly not ignorable
- (Their) superior glower is indescribably photogenic
- (And their) scanner's radiation's only slightly carcinogenic
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- D . D . D . D .
- A . A . A . A .
- D . D . D . D .
- Em. Em. A . A .
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- Any terrorist they'll spot with one glance
- If one should happen by just by chance
- Officer, come quick -- I think there's one in my pants
- Grab it now before it gets away
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- D . A . D . D .
- G . G . D . D .
- G . E7. D . B .
- Em. Em. A . A .
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- I love the TSA
- I love being detained every day
- They're only following orders, so that makes it okay
- Oh I love the TSA
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- D . A . D . D .
- G . G . D . D .
- G . E7. D . B .
- Em. A . D . A .
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- (Now we should) never ever let it be said
- (That all that) power ever goes to their head
- 'Cause who wants freedom when there's fear to be spread?
- (Give up your) rights before they take them away!
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- D . A . D . D .
- G . G . D . D .
- G . E7. D . B .
- Em. Em. A . A .
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- I'm their biggest fan, as you can see
- Our relationship was fated to be
- (They put their) hands inside my shirt and really got a hold on me
- The skies get friendlier every day.
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- D . A . D . D .
- G . G . D . D .
- G . E7. D . B .
- Em. Em. A . A .
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- I love the TSA
- I hope nobody takes them away
- They keep us safe from soda cans and bottled chardonnay
- Yes I love the TSA
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- D . A . D . D .
- G . G . D . D .
- G . E7. D . B .
- Em. A . D . A .
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- you know they're really only just protecting our lives
- by keeping us away from knitting needles and plastic knives
- if you're thinking nasty thoughts towards them, you should be embarrarrassed
- and if you're singing this song, that only proves that you're a terrorist
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- D . D . D . D .
- A . A . A . A .
- D . D . D . D .
- Em. Em. A . A .
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- I love the TSA
- Yes I love the TSA
- Their vision is clear, because it goes all the way
- Yes I love the TSA
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- D . A . D . D .
- G . G . D . D .
- G . E7. D . B .
- Em. A . D . A .
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- (Just re)member this one thing before you make a remark
- (Or) say something that maybe might be taken for snark
- (For) your own good, they might decide to take you away
- (and) your next layover stop will be Guantanamo Bay
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- D . D . D . D .
- A . A . A . A .
- D . D . D . D .
- Em. Em. A . A .
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- I love the TSA
- Yes I love the TSA
- What would I do with all those rights anyway?
- Oh I love the TSA
- I love the TSA
- We're the best of friends, what can I say?
- "Security Agent Doctor" is the game that we play
- Oh I love the TSA
- I love the TSA
- They're saving us from terror each day
- They'll protect us even if they have to take us all away
- Oh I love the TSA
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- D . A . D . D .
- G . G . D . D .
- G . E7. D . B .
- Em. A . D . A .
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Outro Monologue
there's also an intro monologue somewhere...
Now as I was writing this song I began to think and, well, maybe even hope – as in "got hope?" – that, you know, maybe someone in an air-traveling situation – or maybe even one of you here will be in an air-traveling situation yourself – and the next time you're in a situation like that, and you're in line in an airport, and the TSA agent comes up and asks whether you prefer being nuked or kneaded – you can sing "I Love the TSA" to them, and walk out.
You know if one person, just one person does it. they may think he's a troublemaker, and they'll charge him with creating a nuisance, and put him on the no-fly list.
And if two people – two people do it, in harmony – they may think they're both terrorists, and they'll arrest 'em both and hold 'em without charges for a week.
But if three people do it – three, can you imagine? – three people walking in, singing a bar of "I Love the TSA" and walking out – they may think it's an organization.
And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said fifty people a day – walking in singing a bar of "I Love the TSA" and walking out? And friends, they may think it's a movement. And that's what it is – the I Love the TSA anti-mass-screening movement – and all you've got to do to join is sing the next time it comes 'round on the guitar.
