TSA

This page is about the TSA, and the song which I wrote about it, which is called "I Love the TSA". I don't really love the TSA, that's just what I called the song, because it's about the TSA, and about my feelings towards the TSA, expressed in a suitably sarcastical-lyric format. (Which is why I call the song "I Love the TSA".)

Basically, ever since the TSA was created, they have been steadily ramping up the invasiveness and authoritarianism surrounding the process that airline passengers (and, bizarrely, crew -- including pilots) must endure in order to get on board an airplane.

It has become clear that these procedures are not only obnoxious and unnecessary, but also completely useless; a number of security experts have stated that these procedures would not stop an actual terrorist. My position on this matter is posted in more detail on Issuepedia.

• lyrics & chords
• video of demo performance on the Couch of Awesome

Monologues

beginning part

This song is called "I Love the TSA", and it's about the TSA -- the Transportation Scare-ifying Authority -- whose job it is to make sure that we always have an adequate supply of stress and humiliation while travelling by airplane, just in case we didn't already.

As you may have guessed, I don't really love the TSA, that's just what I called the song, because it's about the TSA, and about my feelings towards the TSA, expressed in a suitably sarcastical-lyric guitar-strumming format... which is why I call the song "I Love the TSA".

end part

As I was writing this song I began to think and, well, maybe even hope -- as in "got hope?" -- that, you know, maybe there's someone who will be in an air-travel situation soon, or maybe even one of you will be in an air-travel situation yourself, and the next time you're in a situation like that and you're in line at the airport, and the TSA agent comes up and asks whether you prefer being nuked or kneaded -- you can sing "I love the TSA" to them, and walk out.

You know, if one person, just one person does it, they may think he's a troublemaker, and they'll charge him with creating a nuisance and put him on the no-fly list.

And if two people, two people do it, in harmony -- they may think they're both terrorists, and they'll arrest 'em both and hold 'em without charges for a week.

But if three people do it, three, can you imagine? Three people walking in singing a bar of "I Love the TSA" and walking out -- they may think it's an organization.

And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said fifty people a day walking in singing a bar of "I Love the TSA", and walking out? And friends, they may think it's a movement.

And that's what it is: the "I Love the TSA" Anti-Mass-Screening Movement -- and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it comes around on the guitar.

last 2 choruses here

(with apologies to Arlo Guthrie)