I Love the TSA

I need to make a t-shirt from this or something while it's still legal.

written: 2011-06-16 about the lyrics video (crude but funny demo, pre-transition!me on guitar) Accolades: En Tequila Es Verdad

Lyrics I love the TSA Yes I love the TSA What would I do with all those rights anyway? Oh I love the TSA	D . A . D . D . G . G . D . D . G . E7. D . B . Em. A . D . A .
I love it when they look at my shoes (So they can) check them over closely for clues That they're lovingly crafted with explosive glues (That's why) I love it when they look at my shoes.	D . A . D . D . G . G . D . D . G . E7. D . B . Em. A . D . A .
(Their) cute Gestapo uniforms are... so adorable (Their) peremptory instructions are clearly not ignorable (Their) superior glower is indescribably photogenic (And their) scanner's radiation's only slightly carcinogenic	D . D . D . D . A . A . A . A . D . D . D . D . Em. Em. A . A .
Any terrorist they'll spot with one glance If one should happen by just by chance Officer, come quick -- I think there's one in my pants Grab it now before it gets away	D . A . D . D . G . G . D . D . G . E7. D . B . Em. Em. A . A .
I love the TSA I love being detained every day They're only following orders, so that makes it okay Oh I love the TSA	D . A . D . D . G . G . D . D . G . E7. D . B . Em. A . D . A .
(Now we should) never ever let it be said (That all that) power ever goes to their head 'Cause who wants freedom when there's fear to be spread? (Give up your) rights before they take them away!	D . A . D . D . G . G . D . D . G . E7. D . B . Em. Em. A . A .
I'm their biggest fan, as you can see Our relationship was fated to be (They put their) hands inside my shirt and really got a hold on me The skies get friendlier every day.	D . A . D . D . G . G . D . D . G . E7. D . B . Em. Em. A . A .
I love the TSA I hope nobody takes them away They keep us safe from soda cans and bottled chardonnay Yes I love the TSA	D . A . D . D . G . G . D . D . G . E7. D . B . Em. A . D . A .
you know they're really only just protecting our lives by keeping us away from knitting needles and plastic knives if you're thinking nasty thoughts towards them, you should be embarrarrassed and if you're singing this song, that only proves that you're a terrorist	D . D . D . D . A . A . A . A . D . D . D . D . Em. Em. A . A .
I love the TSA Yes I love the TSA Their vision is clear, because it goes all the way Yes I love the TSA	D . A . D . D . G . G . D . D . G . E7. D . B . Em. A . D . A .
(Just re)member this one thing before you make a remark (Or) say something that maybe might be taken for snark (For) your own good, they might decide to take you away (and) your next layover stop will be Guantanamo Bay	D . D . D . D . A . A . A . A . D . D . D . D . Em. Em. A . A .
I love the TSA Yes I love the TSA What would I do with all those rights anyway? Oh I love the TSA I love the TSA We're the best of friends, what can I say? "Security Agent Doctor" is the game that we play Oh I love the TSA I love the TSA They're saving us from terror each day They'll protect us even if they have to take us all away Oh I love the TSA	D . A . D . D . G . G . D . D . G . E7. D . B . Em. A . D . A .

Outro Monologue

there's also an intro monologue somewhere... probably in TSA, which should probably be merged here

Now as I was writing this song I began to think and, well, maybe even hope – as in "got hope?" – that, you know, maybe someone in an air-traveling situation – or maybe even one of you here will be in an air-traveling situation yourself – and the next time you're in a situation like that, and you're in line in an airport, and the TSA agent comes up and asks whether you prefer being nuked or kneaded – you can sing "I Love the TSA" to them, and walk out.

You know if one person, just one person does it. they may think he's a troublemaker, and they'll charge him with creating a nuisance, and put him on the no-fly list.

And if two people – two people do it, in harmony – they may think they're both terrorists, and they'll arrest 'em both and hold 'em without charges for a week.

But if three people do it – three, can you imagine? – three people walking in, singing a bar of "I Love the TSA" and walking out – they may think it's an organization.

And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said fifty people a day – walking in singing a bar of "I Love the TSA" and walking out? And friends, they may think it's a movement. And that's what it is – the I Love the TSA anti-mass-screening movement – and all you've got to do to join is sing the next time it comes 'round on the guitar.