This Might Be Nine Eleven

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• Part One: Template:File/original Template:File/original
• Part Two: Template:File/original Template:File/original

Part One is set on 9/11/01, though the time scale kind of moves forward rapidly (hours, possibly days) as the questions and answers progress. Part Two is set on 9/11/07 (did the recording on 9/9/07). If I'd been organized, I would have had a bunch of places to post this so people could be actually listening to it on that date, but oh well. Part Two is perhaps a bit harsher on Dubya, but hey – he has really earned it, and I don't mind letting him have a little of my spleen to go along with the civil rights.

Notes

Explanation

This is a "break-in" record (à la Mr. Jaws) where all the "responses" are from songs by They Might Be Giants. I tried to strike a good balance between humor and making serious points about the issues surrounding 9/11, with the serious points taking a slight backseat... but I think I managed to get some good ones in nonetheless. (What do you think?)

Disclaimer

I am not in any way associated with They Might Be Giants. To the best of my knowledge neither of the Johns nor anyone associated with them have either heard this recording or expressed any views about the 9/11 situation. If someone could recommend a good place to post this for feedback from the TMBG crew, I'd be interested. (TMBWiki?)

Words

Part One

We are here in New York City where an airplane has just flown into a skyscraper. A man on the sidewalk is running towards me. Sir, what did you see?

("She's Actual Size") "Words fail -- buildings tumble"

What seems to be happening to the buildings?

("Fingertips part 1") "Everything is catching on fire"

I am here in the White House press room with president George W. Bush. Sir, what do you say to claims that the towers fell due to controlled demolition?

("Shoehorn With Teeth") "People should get beat up / for statin' their beliefs."

But sir, have you even started to look at the evidence?

("Don't Let's Start") "Don't, don't, don't let's start"

And what do you believe caused the terrorists to attack us?

("Youth Culture Killed My Dog") "Youth culture... youth culture"

Uh-oh -- building number seven seems to be collapsing too!

("Nightgown of the Sullen Moon") [fire alarm]

Vice President Dick Cheney -- can you tell us what is happening?

("Thermostat") "I was just talking and someone interrupted... or was it a loud explosion?"

Mr. Cheney -- coming so soon after the loss of two major skyscrapers, the sudden collapse of a third is shocking news. Do you have any words of encouragement for the American people?

("The Big Big Whoredom") "It ain't so bad as you paint it."

Well, it's certainly very fortunate that nobody was in the building when it fell. But sir, building number seven was not hit by an airplane. Why did it fall down?

("Don't Let's Start") "Don't, don't, don't let's start -- I've got a weak heart"

Very well, sir. Let's turn to the rescue and recovery efforts. What do you think is the most important thing we need to look for?

("They'll Need a Crane") "They'll need a crane -- they'll need a crane -- to pick the broken ruins up again"

I'm sure that's true, but I was thinking more of what evidence we should be looking for in the ruins. Do you have any suggestions?

("Metal Detector") "My metal detector is with me all of the time."

The demolition workers have begun taking the ruins apart with a crane, but everything seems to be pulverized into tiny particles. I am speaking to the demolition workers now. Sirs, who could possibly have survived such a terrible explosion?

("Particle Man") "Particle Man, Particle Man"

I have here Mr. Rudolf Guiliani, Mayor of New York City. Sir, where will you be taking the evidence for analysis?

("Where Your Eyes Don't Go") "Where your eyes don't go"

How do you think people will react to the results?

("Where Your Eyes Don't Go") "It's a nightmare that you'll never be discovering"

Sir, don't you think that the evidence should be carefully inspected before it is hauled off for recycling?

("Don't Let's Start") "Don't, don't, don't let's start"

Without inspecting the evidence, how can we even be sure that the perpetrators are foreign rather than domestic?

("New York City") "'cause everyone's your friend in New York City"

The President is playing a video of a man who is supposedly Osama bin Laden. Let's listen in:

("I'll Sink Manhattan") "I'll sink Manhattan... right under the sea"

Mr. President, the man in the video doesn't look very much like Osama. How could this possibly be him?

("Hypnotist of Ladies") "Heeeeee....'s a hypnotist"

But sir, comparing this man's features to file photos of bin Laden, how can you say that they look at all similar?

("Don't Let's Start") "Don't, don't, don't let's start"

Sir, don't you think that if you persistently block inquiry into today's events, that there will eventually be consequences for your administration?

("She's an Angel") "These things happen to other people"

We would like to continue this report, but it appears that our journalism grant from the Ford Foundation has been terminated. In closing, here is a recording of the official letter of termination:

("Bells Are Ringing") [ I used wayyy too much of this song, and it's not even that funny. I needed some way to end, and this was all I could think of; I really would like to come up with something better. ]