Emoblog/2019/11/29/I need to talk
I need to talk about all the relationship stuff that has happened over the past 15 months.
It's difficult because... the two main people involved (aside from me) are both alive, and are people I care about, and one of them is my hypertwin Harena with whom'st I have lived (to say the least) since 2003, and I don't want to hurt anyone... but there's also emotional illness involved, and huge conflicts, and self-questioning, and other stuff that seems like some negative things will unavoidably need to be said.
Some things I definitely can say:
- A relationship which started in August 2018 and that had rapidly become very important to me ended this past Monday (11/25).
- I found myself quoting sad breakup lyrics on Tuesday morning, then writing brief, sad breakup poetry in my head while brushing my teeth that evening, and then writing somewhat more bitter breakup poetry in my head while brushing teeth the next morning. (Fortunately, the knife was rescinded Thursday afternoon.)
- I thought it had ended back in February, when I wrote the Grief II Journal entry, but it actually went on for another 8+ months, getting increasingly difficult by stages.
- On 2/26, 2 days after that entry, I wrote up a long description of what had happened up to that point (mainly from an emo POV) and shared it privately. Both parties agreed as to the accuracy of the objective details it contains, but I don't think either one cleared it for public release.
I kinda need to share that narrative publicly now, and bring it up to date, so I can talk about it... I think I know the other person's mind well enough that if I think they'd be ok with it then they probably would, but I do need to check with Harena.