Leviticus Helms/notes

Episodes to write

• Leviticus Helms and the Ten to the Minus Thirtieth Percent Solution: "Just as I suspected... we're dealing with nothing less than a cold-blooded homeopathic killer."
• Leviticus Helms and the Intellectual Property Pirates
  • definitely some kind of reference to Talk Like a Pirate Day; silly pirate-isms: "arr, spelunkers on the mizzenmast!" "shiver me fridge an' blow me airr conditionerrr!"
• Leviticus Helms and the International Global Warming Conspiracy
  • Well-funded international cabal of eco-nuts, scientists, and other ne'er-do-wells launches propaganda initiative to convince the voting public of the threat of so-called "global warming", as a cover for taking away people's guns, imposing Sharia law, and making everyone get gay-married. Fortunately, they are defeated by a plucky group of fun-loving billionaires, mass-media personalities, and right-wing talk-show hosts.
• Leviticus Helms Versus the Sharia Gaystapo
  • includes grammar-nazis, feminazis, and Political Correctness Officers
  • ...and a battle to the death at the very edge of... The Cliffs of Insensitivity!!!

Random Notes

TV preacher: "Jesus died on the cross to save us from sin. If he had not died, we would be banished to an eternity of purgatory -- but he did, and so heaven stands open to receive us in joy and forgiveness. But that's not all! If you act now, we'll throw in this complete set of kitchen knives at no extra cost!" ... "For those who sin, the penalty is not just eternal damnation, not just eternal suffering, but eternal damnation and eternal suffering! And if you order by midnight tonight, we'll throw in this burning lake of fire for free! Now how much would you pray?"

Abstinence-Based Driver Education: If young people are exposed to information about how to operate an automobile, their natural lust for speed and control will overwhelm them and they will want to drive one. If young people are exposed to so-called "safety" information, with films showing reckless driving and the inevitable gore-filled consequences, their natural blood-lust will overwhelm them and they will enter a berserker state where they cannot control their instinctive drive to seek the thrill of danger and the ecstasy of the kill. Wearing a safety-belt is just inviting the Devil to take the wheel.

The Conspiracy Café: Trilatté Cornish, Bilderburger... (better than the Global Warming Hoagie over at the Denialism Diner -- they serve it too hot, but everyone pretends it's fine and says they'll adapt)

The Church of St. Mises the Infallible

Down in the Bitcoin mines

The Gamergate Hotel and Casino

Playground politics -- school principal responds to bully who beats up kids and takes their lunch money: "well, obviously those kids shouldn't have been carrying lunch money around; who could resist such an awful temptation? Think of the poor bully, and the mental anguish he must be experiencing now!"

Courtroom drama -- defendant uses the "perspective" argument: "In your view, I've committed a crime -- but that's just one of many possible views. In my view, I've merely relieved thousands of people of the unnecessary burden of managing their money."

The National Attention Budget -- reportedly experiencing extraordinary deficits.