Me/CV/corp: Difference between revisions

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<div style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: serif; text-align: center;">or, <i>why we almost certainly are not a good "fit" for each other</i></div>
<div style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: serif; text-align: center;">or, <i>why we almost certainly are not a good "fit" for each other</i></div>
==Executive Summary==
==Executive Summary==
I loathe self-promotion, so I'm not going to try to shoehorn my history into something conventional-looking. If that's what you're looking for, you can toss this one out without reading any further. Have a nice day.
'''How I can help you''':
 
* I '''design software/business systems''' and subsystems, either solo or as part of a team.
If you're looking for someone with academic degrees or other formal qualifications, I won't waste any more of your time: I don't have any. I was dealing with intense depression for the year and a half I went to college, failed miserably, and soon found that I enjoyed being paid to code rather more than paying to be told I'm inadequate.
* I can '''create documentation''' to any required level of detail. (I like documentation; it makes my job easier.)
 
* I'm deeply into '''PHP''' and fluent in SQL (especially '''MySQL''', though I have also worked with other variants)., with at least 5-10 k hours of coding time (best guess).
'''Immediate Requirements''':
* I am intimately familiar with '''Linux system administration''', especially the '''LAMP stack'''<ref>...though I'm still struggling with proper configuration of SMTP servers such as Postfix.</ref>
* I typically '''learn new technologies by using them''', so am willing to attempt whatever other tools you might need me to become familiar with; in return, I will let you know if I see any better options.
==Requirements==
<table>
<tr>
<th width=50%>Immediate</th>
<th width=50%>Long-term</th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td valign=top>
* Workplace must be a safe space with a culture that is supportive of diversity and the practicalities of getting work done.
* Workplace must be a safe space with a culture that is supportive of diversity and the practicalities of getting work done.
* I enjoy making people's lives better by solving problems. I also like being paid a living wage or better. I ''am'' willing to work for the greater benefit of the plutonomy (i.e. against the public good), but it will cost extra. My fee for enriching your investors through my work starts at $120/hour and goes upward for larger companies; endeavors of a less parasitical nature may negotiate downward from there. (I will obviously want to know more about how your company or work is beneficial, how any profit is shared, etc.)
* I enjoy making people's lives better by solving problems. I also like being paid a living wage or better. I am willing to do work that primarily benefits shareholders and therefore aids in the concentration of wealth, but it will cost extra.
** I will obviously want to know more about how your company or work is beneficial, how any profit is shared, etc.
* I prefer to work remotely, but am open to other arrangements if there is a good reason for doing things differently.
* I prefer to work remotely, but am open to other arrangements if there is a good reason for doing things differently.
* I am not open to relocation on a permanent basis, though I might consider temporary relocation for a span of time. (This does, however, raise the price.)
* I am not open to relocation on a permanent basis, though I might consider temporary relocation for a span of time.
* I do not make phone calls. I do not answer phone calls. Business communication belongs in text and non-ephemeral media.
* Generally, I do not make or receive phone calls.Business communication belongs in non-ephemeral media. It may be nice to converse vocally on occasion, but this should not be the primary means of conveying important information or agreements.
 
* No silly hoop-jumping, please.<ref>Don't ask me to produce flawless code on a whiteboard or piece of paper. [https://theoutline.com/post/1166/programmers-are-confessing-their-coding-sins-to-protest-a-broken-job-interview-process Whiteboard coding tests are silly and ineffective]. I took one once, thinking it was just a basic test of familiarity with code &ndash; but apparently it actually mattered to someone that I made a syntax error. When writing freehand code. Seriously.</ref>
'''Long-Term Requirements''' &mdash; These are not deal-breakers, but if they are a problem I will agitate whenever I bump into them:
</td>
<td valign=top>
These are not deal-breakers, but if they are a problem I will agitate whenever I bump into them:
* I am allergic to BS, especially the authoritarian varieties.
* I am allergic to BS, especially the authoritarian varieties.
* No cube-farms, no compulsory meetings for no apparent reason, no power-games or headgames.
* No cube-farms, no compulsory meetings for no apparent reason, no power-games or headgames.
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* No deep/sacred hierarchies. No "performance"-worship. There must be respect for the long-term sustainability of the enterprise.
* No deep/sacred hierarchies. No "performance"-worship. There must be respect for the long-term sustainability of the enterprise.
* Needs and requirements for any given project, or the impetus for evaluating needs and requirements, must be stated clearly and must not arbitrarily change.
* Needs and requirements for any given project, or the impetus for evaluating needs and requirements, must be stated clearly and must not arbitrarily change.
</td></tr></table>
==History==
* '''2018.05 - 2019.02''' -- PaperDemon: creating and maintaining features for an art-sharing web site written with PHP, MySQL, and Smarty templates.
* '''2018.01 - present''' -- hosting/maintaining [https://toot.cat toot.cat], a popular (1000+ users) Mastodon instance
* '''2011.07 - 2014.11''' -- Swashbuckler Interactive: creating and maintaining features fur multiple web sites in PHP and MySQL, often using Drupal.
* '''2007.09 - 2010.04''' -- ResearchBuy: created MediaWiki skin to match PhotoShop images, integrated with PayPal to support content paywall; web site maintenance
* '''2007.09 - present''' -- Sage & Swift / Watts Grocery: network, web, email, and software maintenance for a catering business and a restaurant
* '''1999 - 2001''' -- Carrier Transicold: writing and maintaining business applications using MS Access, Visual Basic, MS SQL Server
* '''1997 - 1999''' -- Pierce Manufacturing: developing user interfaces in C++ for computer control of auxiliary systems in fire engines
* '''1990 - 1991''' -- Duke University: developing neural network simulations for natural language processing applications in Pascal and C++
* '''1985 - 1989''' -- Brown University: developing data collection and analysis programs in FORTRAN and Pascal for behavior research


'''How I can help''':
* I design software/business systems and subsystems, either solo or as part of a team.
* I can produce documentation to any required level of detail, and beyond.
* I'm deeply into PHP<ref>PHP is frequently mocked for being too easy to use; I'm perverse, and consider ease-of-use to be a requirement.</ref> and fluent in SQL (especially MySQL)<ref>Don't ask me to produce flawless code on a whiteboard or piece of paper. [https://theoutline.com/post/1166/programmers-are-confessing-their-coding-sins-to-protest-a-broken-job-interview-process Whiteboard coding tests are silly and ineffective]. I took one once, thinking it was just a basic test of familiarity with code &ndash; but apparently it actually mattered that I made a syntax error.</ref>, with at least 5-10 k hours of coding time (best guess).
* I am intimately familiar with Linux system administration, especially the LAMP stack, though I'm still struggling with proper configuration of SMTP servers such as Postfix.
* I typically learn new technologies by using them, so am willing to attempt whatever other tools you might need me to become familiar with; in return, I will let you know if I see any better options.
==History==
A full history of my computing experience is [[Me/computing|here]].
A full history of my computing experience is [[Me/computing|here]].


Revision as of 14:20, 22 February 2019

Woozle's Horrible No-Good, Very Bad Résumé
or, why we almost certainly are not a good "fit" for each other

Executive Summary

How I can help you:

  • I design software/business systems and subsystems, either solo or as part of a team.
  • I can create documentation to any required level of detail. (I like documentation; it makes my job easier.)
  • I'm deeply into PHP and fluent in SQL (especially MySQL, though I have also worked with other variants)., with at least 5-10 k hours of coding time (best guess).
  • I am intimately familiar with Linux system administration, especially the LAMP stack[1]
  • I typically learn new technologies by using them, so am willing to attempt whatever other tools you might need me to become familiar with; in return, I will let you know if I see any better options.

Requirements

Immediate Long-term
  • Workplace must be a safe space with a culture that is supportive of diversity and the practicalities of getting work done.
  • I enjoy making people's lives better by solving problems. I also like being paid a living wage or better. I am willing to do work that primarily benefits shareholders and therefore aids in the concentration of wealth, but it will cost extra.
    • I will obviously want to know more about how your company or work is beneficial, how any profit is shared, etc.
  • I prefer to work remotely, but am open to other arrangements if there is a good reason for doing things differently.
  • I am not open to relocation on a permanent basis, though I might consider temporary relocation for a span of time.
  • Generally, I do not make or receive phone calls.Business communication belongs in non-ephemeral media. It may be nice to converse vocally on occasion, but this should not be the primary means of conveying important information or agreements.
  • No silly hoop-jumping, please.[2]

These are not deal-breakers, but if they are a problem I will agitate whenever I bump into them:

  • I am allergic to BS, especially the authoritarian varieties.
  • No cube-farms, no compulsory meetings for no apparent reason, no power-games or headgames.
  • Must use good collaborative software (project management, wiki, chat, etc.) and have good channels of communication.
  • No deep/sacred hierarchies. No "performance"-worship. There must be respect for the long-term sustainability of the enterprise.
  • Needs and requirements for any given project, or the impetus for evaluating needs and requirements, must be stated clearly and must not arbitrarily change.

History

  • 2018.05 - 2019.02 -- PaperDemon: creating and maintaining features for an art-sharing web site written with PHP, MySQL, and Smarty templates.
  • 2018.01 - present -- hosting/maintaining toot.cat, a popular (1000+ users) Mastodon instance
  • 2011.07 - 2014.11 -- Swashbuckler Interactive: creating and maintaining features fur multiple web sites in PHP and MySQL, often using Drupal.
  • 2007.09 - 2010.04 -- ResearchBuy: created MediaWiki skin to match PhotoShop images, integrated with PayPal to support content paywall; web site maintenance
  • 2007.09 - present -- Sage & Swift / Watts Grocery: network, web, email, and software maintenance for a catering business and a restaurant
  • 1999 - 2001 -- Carrier Transicold: writing and maintaining business applications using MS Access, Visual Basic, MS SQL Server
  • 1997 - 1999 -- Pierce Manufacturing: developing user interfaces in C++ for computer control of auxiliary systems in fire engines
  • 1990 - 1991 -- Duke University: developing neural network simulations for natural language processing applications in Pascal and C++
  • 1985 - 1989 -- Brown University: developing data collection and analysis programs in FORTRAN and Pascal for behavior research

A full history of my computing experience is here.

Further Reading

Footnotes

  1. ↑ ...though I'm still struggling with proper configuration of SMTP servers such as Postfix.
  2. ↑ Don't ask me to produce flawless code on a whiteboard or piece of paper. Whiteboard coding tests are silly and ineffective. I took one once, thinking it was just a basic test of familiarity with code – but apparently it actually mattered to someone that I made a syntax error. When writing freehand code. Seriously.
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