Leviticus Helms/notes

Episodes to write

• Leviticus Helms and the Ten to the Minus Thirtieth Percent Solution: "Just as I suspected... we're dealing with nothing less than a cold-blooded homeopathic killer."
• Leviticus Helms and the Intellectual Property Pirates

Random Notes

TV preacher: "Jesus died on the cross to save us from sin. If he had not died, we would be banished to an eternity of purgatory -- but he did, and so heaven stands open to receive us in joy and forgiveness. But that's not all! If you act now, we'll throw in this complete set of kitchen knives at no extra cost!"

Abstinence-Based Driver Education: If young people are exposed to information about how to operate an automobile, their natural lust for speed and control will overwhelm them and they will want to drive one. If young people are exposed to so-called "safety" information, with films showing reckless driving and the inevitable bloody consequences, their natural blood-lust will overwhelm them and they will enter a berserker state where they cannot control their instinctive drive to seek the thrill of danger and the ecstacy of the kill. Wearing a safety-belt is just inviting the Devil to take the wheel.

Helms eats at the Conspiracy Café: Trilatté, Bilderburger... (not as good as the Global Warming Hoagie over at the Denialism Diner)

Playground politics: school principal responds to bully who beats up kids and takes their lunch money: "well, obviously those kids shouldn't have been carrying lunch money around; who could resist such an awful temptation? Think of the poor bully, and the mental anguish he must be experiencing now!"

Courtroom drama: defendant uses the "perspective" argument: "In your view, I've committed a crime -- but that's just one of many possible views. In my view, I've merely relieved thousands of people of the unnecessary burden of managing their money,"