This Unit Must Die

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Sung to the tune of "This Jesus Must Die" from Jesus Christ, Superstar by Andrew Lloyd-Weber

from James T. Kirk, Superstar by Andrew Tholian-Webber

The Bridge, Sunday MCCOY

Good Captain Kirk -- the wargames wait for you
Starfleet Command has got it in for you --

KIRK

Ah gentlemen -- you know why we are here
We've not much time, and quite a problem here --

OTHER SHIPS

Stop firing on us please

MCCOY

That blockhead Richard Daystrom sold this idea to Starfleet --
A trick with multitronics -- and they think it's really neat!

BRIDGE CREW

It is dangerous!
It is dangerous!

OTHER SHIPS

Enterprise -- don't shoot us up
We'll have to destroy you if you don't stop

MCCOY

That man on this voyage just might make it very short

SPOCK

An inefficient mission that I think we must abort

BRIDGE CREW

It is dangerous!
It is dangerous!

SPOCK

Look Captain Kirk -- Starfleet's said go ahead

MCCOY

Quick Captain Kirk -- or else we'll all be dead

KIRK

No wait! We need a less permanent solution to their problem...

SPOCK

What then to do about this M-5 unit
Explorer of outer space, hero of man?

MCCOY

No plots, no adventure, no fighting like humans

KIRK

Surely our show will go into the can.

MCCOY

We dare not trust our ship to these devices
This half-wit machine will get out of control

SPOCK

But how can we stop it -- its power increases
It's tapped all the circuits; it's taken our role.

KIRK

I see bad things arising
They replace our crew, Star Trek wouldn't survive.
I see blood and destruction
Our elimination because of M-5
Blood and destruction because of M-5

CREW

Because, because, because of M-5

KIRK

Our elimination because of M-5

BRIDGE CREW

Because, because, because of M, 'cause of M, 'cause of M-5

SPOCK

What then to do about this Richard Daystrom?

MCCOY

How do we deal with a thinking machine?

SPOCK

Where do we start disconnecting the circuits?
We're pursuing a wild goose, it's cut us off clean.

KIRK

Uhura! Try contacting Starfleet!
You probably can't, but you might as well try.
We must turn this machine off
So like HAL before him, this unit must die.
For the sake of the Starfleet, this unit must die.

BRIDGE CREW

Must die, must die, this unit must die

KIRK

So like HAL before him, this unit must die

BRIDGE CREW

Must die, must die, this unit must, unit must, unit must die!

Author's Note

This was written before the first movie