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It's amazing how long it can take to figure out crucial things about yourself.
It's amazing how long it can take to figure out crucial things about yourself.


The problem is this: I was born in a body which was biologically male.
I was born in a body which was biologically (and to all other appearances) male.


Despite the fact of being very unhappy with this, I nonetheless believed &ndash; for decades! &ndash; that this meant that I was, in fact, male inside and out. I knew I had some kind of issue regarding gender that was making my existence miserable in a lot of ways, but I didn't know what it was. I came up with some theories, but none of them really fit the facts.
I was never happy with this, and always felt that something wasn't quite right, but I nonetheless believed &ndash; for decades! &ndash; that the outward appearance of maleness meant that I was, in fact, male inside and out, regardless of how I felt.


It turns out I had some key facts [[../misconceptions|wrong]], and it turns out that what I have is called '''[[Me/gender dysphoria|gender dysphoria]]'''. To put it very briefly: my brain is wired to be compatible with a female body and a female social identity, not a male one. It's unhappy being in a male body and unhappy being seen as male.
As I got older, I figured out that I had some kind of issue regarding gender that was making my existence miserable in a lot of ways, but I didn't know what it was; the obvious conclusion &ndash; i.e. that my gender was not what it appeared to be &ndash; was something that I believed to be [[Me/gender identity/paradox|logically impossible]]. I came up with some other theories, but none of them really fit the facts.


I discovered this in January of 2000, but due to circumstances I could do very little about it. Finally, in July of 2016, I was able to start taking substantial corrective measures &ndash; mainly taking hormones and getting facial electrolysis, with the guidance of a therapist and a nurse practitioner who are both specialists in gender issues and transitioning.
It turns out [[Me/gender misconceptions|I had some key facts wrong]], and also that what I have been struggling with all my life is a well-known condition called "[[Me/gender dysphoria|gender dysphoria]]". To put it very briefly: {{l/up|gender identity|my brain is wired to be compatible with a female body and a female social identity}}, not a male one. It's unhappy being in a male body and unhappy being seen as male.


The effects of the hormones have mostly been pretty subtle &ndash; although one dramatic effect has been that they seem to have cured my chronic headaches. They have not yet substantially hindered my ability to lift heavy objects, as far as I can tell, but as of this writing I am only six months into it, so that could still change.
I figured this out in January of 2000, but due to circumstances I could do very little about it for many years. Finally, in July of 2016, I was able to start taking substantial corrective measures &ndash; mainly [[Me/HRT|taking hormones]] and getting facial electrolysis, with the guidance of a therapist and a nurse practitioner who are both specialists in gender issues and transitioning. I was also fortunate enough to be able to get [[Me/SRS|SRS]] in July 2017, and that has made a huge positive difference for me.
==Related==
 
[[All the Beautiful Girls]] is a song about gender dysphoria, and the feelings it creates. I'm also working on a song about transitioning.
It's not always an easy path to take, but overall it has had a tremendous and positive impact on my outlook.
==What you might need to know==
* I (still) [[Me/name|prefer to be called Woozle]]; Nicki is also acceptable.
* It [[Me/gender identity|makes me happy to be regarded as female]], but I won't take offense if people forget occasionally.
* I'm not planning to make any dramatic sweeping changes to my presentation (clothes and so forth), though I am starting to explore the options and there have already been some minor additions to my wardrobe.
* The [[Me/HRT|HRT]] will change my physical appearance somewhat, but only very slowly.
** (Maybe I should offer a prize for whenever someone notices specific changes!)

Latest revision as of 19:14, 18 May 2019

It's amazing how long it can take to figure out crucial things about yourself.

I was born in a body which was biologically (and to all other appearances) male.

I was never happy with this, and always felt that something wasn't quite right, but I nonetheless believed – for decades! – that the outward appearance of maleness meant that I was, in fact, male inside and out, regardless of how I felt.

As I got older, I figured out that I had some kind of issue regarding gender that was making my existence miserable in a lot of ways, but I didn't know what it was; the obvious conclusion – i.e. that my gender was not what it appeared to be – was something that I believed to be logically impossible. I came up with some other theories, but none of them really fit the facts.

It turns out I had some key facts wrong, and also that what I have been struggling with all my life is a well-known condition called "gender dysphoria". To put it very briefly: my brain is wired to be compatible with a female body and a female social identity, not a male one. It's unhappy being in a male body and unhappy being seen as male.

I figured this out in January of 2000, but due to circumstances I could do very little about it for many years. Finally, in July of 2016, I was able to start taking substantial corrective measures – mainly taking hormones and getting facial electrolysis, with the guidance of a therapist and a nurse practitioner who are both specialists in gender issues and transitioning. I was also fortunate enough to be able to get SRS in July 2017, and that has made a huge positive difference for me.

It's not always an easy path to take, but overall it has had a tremendous and positive impact on my outlook.

What you might need to know

  • I (still) prefer to be called Woozle; Nicki is also acceptable.
  • It makes me happy to be regarded as female, but I won't take offense if people forget occasionally.
  • I'm not planning to make any dramatic sweeping changes to my presentation (clothes and so forth), though I am starting to explore the options and there have already been some minor additions to my wardrobe.
  • The HRT will change my physical appearance somewhat, but only very slowly.
    • (Maybe I should offer a prize for whenever someone notices specific changes!)